Pirates on the prowl!
A dream that left blood on my hands
(January 10th, 2008 / 0 comments)I was probably 9 or 10 years old when I dreamed that there were pirates attacking my house. In the dream, I awoke to noises outside the bedroom window. I was in the top bunk. My older brother was sleeping below me.
I peered out of the window (which I wouldn't have been able to see out of from my bed in real life) and saw three pirates emerging from the darkness outside. They were your typical children's story-book pirates with eye-patches, peg legs, bandanas, golden hoop earrings - the works.
As I watched them from the window, stunned at their ability to still exist so late into the 1900's, the shortest, fattest pirate looked up with his good eye and spotted me. He alerted the others with a grunt and an elbow. Then he raised his musket and fired off a shot in my direction with a loud "Arrrrr!"
Play dead!
Although the bullet pierced the glass directly in front of my forehead and between my eyes, I miraculously escaped injury. Being that the pirate's gun was the old-timey pirate variety, the discharge left a stringy cloud of blue-ish smoke wafting in the air. In my shock from being shot at, I realized that I couldn't let these sea-faring criminals know they had missed me. I slumped over, feigning an over-dramatic death, and threw myself from the top bunk, landing in a heap on the wooden floor below.
It seemed to work – at least for the moment. The pirates began having a discussion amongst themselves. From my crumpled position on the floor, I could just barely make out the words "We'll just kill them all" as their slurred voices and gargled laughter drifted around the corner of the house towards the front door.
Walk the plank, ye mangy suburban family!
I was petrified. Real, live pirates were going to kill me and my entire family. I knew my dad kept a gun in the house, but it was hidden and locked and I was too afraid to stand up and walk to my parents' room to wake him. What I didn't realize was that in throwing myself off the bed, I had actually woken up from my dream.
I crept across the floor, trying to think of a way to ward off the pirates' imminent attack. I was convinced that there was only a matter of time before they burst through the doors and swept through the house, murdering us all in cold blood.
The fine art of playing possum
Earlier that day, I had been playing with finger-paints. They were still sitting out on the desk and my eyes locked onto the red bucket...and then to my brother, who was still somehow sleeping soundly despite the gunshots, shouting pirates, and his brother crash-diving from the bunk above him. I had an idea.
As quietly as I could, I grabbed the red paint and started to crawl towards the bed. My plan was genius. I would pour some of the paint out on my brother to look like blood, so that it would seem that he was the one the pirates had shot and killed. That way I would be able to launch a surprise-attack on them and save his life all at once. I raised myself up to the level of his bed, slowing removing the top of the paint bucket...
[Snap!] The bedroom lights shot on blindingly. I was caught!
Dad to the rescue!
"What was that loud bang?" my dad muttered, stumbling into the room sleepily. He spotted the paint bucket in my hand and the red on my fingers. 'What in the world are you doing?"
There's really no easy way to explain to your dad that pirates are laying siege to the house and planning to kill everybody inside, so I decided to just blurt it out. As the words were leaving my mouth, with the glaring light of incandescent bulbs washing away the mystery of darkness, I slowly began to realize that it had all been a dream. There were no pirates after all. My voice drifted off and I stared out the window as a knowing smile grew on my dad's face.
Later that night, tucked safely back into bed with the finger-paint buckets in the desk drawer where they belonged, I listened intently to the sounds coming from outside, jumping at every twig snapping or owl hooting. As I drifted off on the waves of sleep, I began formulating my plans. The next time pirates attacked, I was going to be ready for them.
But for now it was time to set sail for other shores...
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